My Latest News

It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. I’ve had some struggles and have had some days where I’m just hanging by my fingertips. I had my third treatment of this new chemo on June 17th. In a few days after that, I was a mess. I could barely stand and was just feeling horrible. We found out why after the blood work. My hemoglobin, red blood cells and white blood cells were all in a horrible way. My doctor ordered a blood transfusion, so I did that the following week, followed the next day by a magnesium infusion. I felt so much better after the transfusion, and I don’t doubt I’ll have to do it again. However, to be honest, I think we are going to have to change up the chemo again. My cancer markers are up and I’m having pain in my right lung as well as having a cough and raspy breathing. Not fun. He has ordered 3 more treatments, of which I’ve already had one, and then we will do a cat scan after the 3 treatments are done. So that will be on July 20th. Of course, I’m praying for a good report. My doctor also ordered some kind of genetic testing to see if he could pin-point what kind of treatment will work best on this cancer. I’m so very grateful for a doctor who doesn’t give up on me and he really cares.

On a brighter note, I’ve been working on my crochet, and I’ve been reading more. I’ve read some really good books lately, which has been nice. I was so tired on Sunday, I read one of my books in one setting! It was very hard to put down, so I didn’t! lol

I’m doing a CAL (crochet-a-long) in a group on Facebook and I’m quite excited about it. Here’s what the finished product will look like

Here are the colors I chose. I had this yarn on hand and waned to use yarn I already had in my stash.

I am going to add a little darker blue to go with the blue on the right and possibly a little darker green. I’m very happy I had so much on hand that I could pull from. This is a very soft yarn, which will be so nice when I’m done.

I also had to show you the cute pouch that I got from Hobby Lobby. I do love a clear pouch as I like to see what’s in there. I just think it’s adorable! I keep all my crochet stitch markers, needles, etc. in it for easy access.

Last but not least, we must have a picture of Bunty! Here she is in her dress. She loves looking out the window at all the birds feeding at the feeders. She’s quite enthralled with it! Her ears are huge and crack me up because she is so expressive with them. She’s a typical Yorkie in that she doesn’t come when she’s called and it’s frustrating, to say the least, but it’s just how she is. I’m hoping she will get better about it as she gets out of the puppy stage. She’s so adorable, though, I just ignore it. Kind of like she does me! lol

Finally, I want to assure you that I have not lost heart. I trust the Lord in all these things I’ve been going through. He has a plan, and although I don’t understand it, I trust Him! That’s the wonderful thing about Jesus – we can trust Him in all circumstances and know that He has everything in His hands and under control.

i pray God’s blessings over you and that you will always look to Him for your strength and comfort!

The Happy and Sad

Let’s start this post off with a happy picture of Bunty! She has been such a joy and such a stubborn little thing all rolled into one. She definitely has a mind of her own but she’s so cute and sweet other times, one can overlook the stubborn trait for the most part. 🙂

She’s finally big enough to wear her little shirt! She’s nearly as tall as Mitzi now and getting cuter every day! She and Mitzi play and run after each other and it’s adorable.

Now to the serious part of my post. I had my ct scan done on May 6th but didn’t get the results until last Friday, May 20th when I went to my appointment. The news was not good. The cancer in my lungs hasn’t reduced at all and now I have it on my liver. I was shocked about the cancer on my liver. I had that when I first was diagnosed but it hadn’t returned until now. Thankfully, my doctor has been on top of things. I only had two treatments of this last chemo before he checked to see if it was working. I feel like I got lost in the cracks when I had to change doctors and ended up with a doctor that was too busy to really care for me. I stayed too long on the immune therapy before I was checked and it let the cancer get a foot hold again.

Anyway, my doctor is so kind and compassionate and he has a plan, which is reassuring. We are going to start a new chemo and I will be given treatment for 5 days in a row and then have a break for 3 weeks, then repeat. I’m sure he will check me after 2 treatments like he did this time to make sure it’s working. I think I was in shock and forgot to ask questions about some of this. He was so kind and gave me 2 hugs when the tears started to flow. My oldest son went with me and it was reassuring to have him with me. He understands more of this than I do as he’s an emt and going to nursing school. I’m so very thankful for this doctor as I feel like he’s focused on me when I’m there. He’s not thinking about the next patient like I always thought with my other doctors. This doctor is present in the moment and focused on what we are talking about. He also spends the time to answer my questions. God truly blessed me with this new doctor.

I’ve been extremely tired so don’t have a lot to share. Plus, to be honest, I’m still trying to process this latest news and feel a bit overwhelmed by it. I do have some things to share that I made but I will wait and save that for another post.

Your prayers are so appreciated. I’m totally aware of my situation and know that I need a miracle healing from God, if that is His will.

Meet Bunty!

I have a new puppy! My youngest son got her for me as he knew I’ve wanted another Yorkshire Terrier for a long time after losing my beloved Holly. He thought she would be good for me, and he was right. I was really nervous about caring for a new puppy as my strength is not what it was, but she’s been such a joy that it’s been really good. She’s a chocolate colored Yorkie and I had never heard of that but she’s so beautiful! I love her colors and her eyes are just amazing.

I was a little worried about how Mitzi would like her, but she’s adored her! She treats her like her little baby They play together and Mitzi watches over her like a mother hen. It’s really helped Mitzi to have a friend again. I knew she was lonely after Cookie passed away, but I hadn’t realized how much she had changed. She’s acting like her old self now and it’s been so good to see.

Bunty is a name from a favorite series of books by Ellis Peters about Inspector Felse. His wife’s name is Bunty and when I saw that name, I knew if I ever got a new dog, I would name her Bunty.

I’m so thankful for my son for this wonderful gift of such a sweet puppy. She’s just amazing and my son is the absolute best for always thinking of ways to make my life happier and better. He always knows! He’s such a huge, huge blessing to me.

New Doctor, Latest Treatment

No matter what, God has a plan for our lives. Yes, I have cancer, but God can still use me to bring glory to Himself and His kingdom. There are days when I find it really hard just to do things, but I try every day to do something – especially my Bible study. Staying in The Word, keeps me grounded and keeps my focus on what really matters. I also work on my crochet and my cross stitch. My crochet is especially something that keeps me going as I’ve been doing it since I was four years old. My sweet grandmother taught me and it’s such a part of me now! Mostly, I want to be an encouragement to others that no matter what, God is still here with us no matter what. He is not shocked by my situation, or yours, and it’s all part of His greater plan. I may not understand why now, but I will. My goal every day is to just trust Him and believe in Him and that’s exactly what I do.

I had my second chemo treatment last Thursday. I also met my new doctor and I really, really like him. My son really liked him, too. He’s the youngest doctor I’ve had, only a bit older than my son – like in his early 30’s, but he seems very devoted as a doctor and explained things to me that no other doctor has done. I’m not going to get too excited about things yet, but right now, I’m really thinking that I’m going to stay with this doctor rather than going back to my original doctor. He talked about doing other treatments if this one doesn’t work. He is also ordering a scan as I’ve had two treatments and he wants to see what’s happening. That makes me feel a lot better as my other doctor was looking at not doing one for at least one more treatment. I would rather know now what’s going on instead of waiting. I feel like he waited too long to check me during the immune therapy and the cancer was coming back full force and it would have been better to know that sooner.

My new chemo drug looks like I’m getting an IV full of Kool-Aid. I was really shocked the first time I saw it. I

I’m used to seeing it now, but it still looks strange to me! All my other meds were clear. I was told there’s a bright blue chemo, too, which seems odd. I guess there’s a reason for the coloring but I’m not sure what it is!

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9

Making Memories

Our weather has been all over the place. Cold one day and summer-like warm the next. I’ve been suffering from a cough for 2 months and this weather doesn’t help. I caught a virus from my son, and, the worst of the symptoms are gone, but the cough lingers. I’ve heard other people complaining about the same thing. I talked to my NP last Thursday and he prescribed a medicine but, so far, I haven’t seen any improvement. It’s quite wearing!

I went to the NP as a follow up to my first new chemo treatment. It’s not been horrible so far. The treatment took about 2 hours as compared to the 8-9 hours the other chemo took. I’ve been tired but I’m not sure if that’s more from the cough. Tiredness has become a permanent part of my life. I chose to look on the bright side of things, though, and am quite happy that I’m not having any horrible side-effects, so far. I try to do things I really enjoy every day and am thankful for what I can do!

Yesterday, my youngest son took me to the next town over and we had our favorite pizza and went to the courthouse square to eat. It was such a beautiful day!

It was so nice to get out and do something different! It was such a wonderful day and I’m so thankful for these special memories with my son.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me”. – 2 Corinthians 12:9

God gives me strength each day to face the hard things. He does the same for you, if you believe in Him and have faith in Jesus. I have learned that trusting in my own wills and desires creates a weakness, rather than a strength. Trusting in the Lord each and every day, provides me a strength I do not have on my own. I’m so thankful for the love of God! I’m also so thankful for you, my friends, who pray for me and encourage me as I travel this hard journey.

God Beside Me

There’s been a lot going on here. I had my ct scan and was waiting to hear from my doctor. When I didn’t, I figured they were getting permission from my insurance company to do a pet scan. Imagine my shock when I went to my regular appointment with the NP, and to have my infusion, and be told the news I’m about to share with you.

The cancer is growing again. Very hard news to hear, especially when you aren’t expecting to hear it. I think the hardest part was I was by myself, and the nurse practitioner is less than sympathetic. I’ve been putting up with her because I thought II had to. I left there sick to my stomach and crying. I went home and straight into bed and fell asleep. I told no one that day about my diagnosis because I just couldn’t talk about it.

The next day I called my former doctor’s NP. I have her private number and she helped me so much. First of all, she told me I can refuse to see that nurse practitioner and they can’t force me. I told her about the new chemo they want me to do, and she said that is what my former doctor would have recommended as well. I also asked her whether they had ever heard from my insurance company regarding if I could continue to see my former doctor. She told me to hold off because the Cancer Center of America in that city (and possibly all cities?) is being bought out by City of Hope and she’s quite sure they take my insurance! Oh, dear friends, please be in prayer that this is so! I need to get back to my former doctor where I know I’m getting the best treatment and where they really care about me!

They had me go off the immune therapy right away as obviously it’s not working. I was looking forward to a couple weeks of feeling more normal and then I got a cold! Can you believe it? I’ve been fighting it for a week-and-a-half and I can tell I’m on the end of it, but still coughing a bit and a stuffy nose at times. It’s had me flat on my back for days so not fun. I am praying I’m completely over it by Wednesday as I start the new chemo on Thursday. and I can’t be sick and will have to postpone it. So, another prayer request, my friends!

I’m disappointed in this news, of course. It took me a few days to accept that the cancer was not responding to the therapy. However, once the initial shock wears off, I again, put my full trust in Jesus and know that God has this under control. I need to do my part in getting the right help, but I know that God is always, always standing before me, behind me, and beside me. He has me under His wing and I need not fear!

My youngest son has been my rock, seriously. He keeps me going and is there for me every step of the way. Because he’s always so even keeled, it keeps me calm and focused on trying to get well. He works at such a demanding job, but never puts me off. I feel guilty sometimes because I feel like he’s got so much on his plate with me being sick. He gets really upset with me when I say that. He said to me yesterday, “If I knew I would have to do this the rest of my life and that it was going to guarantee you being here, I would do it forever”. Oh, my heart! Of course, that made me cry. He truly is the hands and feet of God here on earth. I am so very blessed and thankful for him.

I’m not looking forward to chemo again. However, this one sounds like it won’t be quite as harsh on me as others. I have no idea whether I’ll be losing my hair again or any of that kind of stuff. I was more concerned about other side effects. The infusion will only be an hour compared to the 8-9 hours I used to have to endure. I do know this one can only be done just so many times in a lifetime so it’s probably harsh, as they all are.

I’m so grateful if you made it this far in reading this post. There’s lots more to tell but I tried to just hit on the important parts. Thank you for your prayers!

Being Creative

I have been doing my best to do housework each day. Even if it’s just little things that need to be done. I try to keep moving as much as possible. I do get very tired so take breaks, but I take happiness from the little things I can accomplish! It does help me to move every day, and keeps me from feeling exhausted.

I’ve been crocheting. I bought a pattern for heart centered coasters and made them for my family and friends for Valentine’s Day. Here’s a few pictures of the different colors I did.

These have been really fun for me to make and give away. I also find them good for me to make when I can’t sleep. Making one or two and I’m ready to head back to bed and get some rest!

I was supposed to get my ct scan tomorrow. but they called me today to tell me they had to cancel my appointment because the radiologist is out of the office this week! I was rather shocked! Anyway, I was able to reschedule for Thursday at the clinic in the next town over so at least I’ll still be getting it done this week. I feel like we are dragging our feet on this. Plus, I already know I’ll have to have a pet scan to get a real understanding of what’s going on so the sooner I get the cat scan done, the better! Of course, I’m praying for good news!

I have also been able to do my counted cross stitch again! It makes me so happy! My fingers have been so numb for so long and my eyes are still trying to recover from the chemo, but I’ve figured out how to use my magnifying light in a certain way that I can see! My fingers are still numb but not so bad that I can’t grip my needle to I’m very happy and thankful. Here’s what I’ve been working on


This is a Mill Hill kit called Chickadee’s. It’s been great fun working on it while listening to my audiobooks! Here’s what the finished project will look like

All in all, I feel like I’m trying to live as normally as possible with this horrible cancer still hanging over my head. I’m so thankful for my friends who pray for me and for their encouragement. Most of all, I’m thankful that I can lean on the arms of Jesus when I’m feeling afraid or discouraged. He truly sustains me!

Long Over-due Update

I didn’t realize it had been so long since my last update! So much has happened and I have definitely seen God working everything out and I’m so very grateful. I went to my old doctor for my first immune therapy treatment as I felt more comfortable doing it there. However, my doctor had already moved on and my PA was gone as well, so I ended up seeing the PA that I don’t have a lot of trust in. I also ended up seeing the tech that has made me cry more than once and was shocked to see her at the clinic again. It confirmed in my mind that it truly was time to move on.

I asked around a lot here and found out that there was a doctor that was well thought of and made an appointment with him. My son went with me and we both liked him a lot. Once thing I really liked was he took the time to get to know me. He asked about my hobbies and, when I told him that I crocheted and did cross stitch, he immediately became concerned about the neuropathy in my hands and asked it was keeping me from my hobbies as he wants me to enjoy my life. This was never brought up with the other doctor’s office and it really touched me as it IS important!

I’ve had 2 treatments in my town and have been very happy with how it went. The fact that I can be home 15-20 minutes after my treatment is huge! Before it would take us about 2 hours to get home and that was really wearing on me. My treatment is only about 30 minutes so I’m gone about an hour as I see the doctor or PA and then with the prep work it’s about that long. I’m so happy it’s not an all day thing anymore! So far, the only hard side effect is how exhausted I am. I’m tired ALL THE TIME! I’m not complaining, though, as it’s so much better than the chemo! My hair is coming back, I had eyebrows and eyelashes and I’m very happy about that! 🙂

I will write more later and talk about more than my health….I promise! I have some cute crafty things to share and some other things I’ve been working on. Thank you so much for your prayers and concern. Knowing I’m being prayed for keeps me going!

Trusting God

I had my pet scan at the end of October. I spent a week not worrying about cancer and praying that I would have a good result. I finally had to call my doctor’s office to find out what the results were. This is frustrating, yet something that I’m finding is normal any more. They don’t realize (or care?) that the patient is sitting at home on pins and needles wondering what the results are. Anyway, I digress. I do still have cancer but the lymph nodes are clear – Praise God! – but the lung tumors, while smaller, are still there. He was going to do more chemo, but I’ve had bad ringing in my ears and that’s a warning sign that the one chemo drug is causing hearing loss. He was concerned about this, as I am, so he said we could do the one chemo drug by itself or do immune therapy. There was little difference in how effective one would be over the other and he suggested the immune therapy would probably be better. So I will be starting this on Friday, November 19th.

In talking with the medical assistant, I found out that my doctor will not longer be with the group he’s with. He’s moving over to Cancer Center of America. My heart fell when I heard this because I knew that my insurance company does not have a contract with them. I did call the Cancer Center to make sure and they are doing a special request with my insurance company to see if they will allow me to go there since I’m right in the middle of treatment. I’m not holding my breath about all this as I know my insurance company is difficult about everything. They even denied my immune therapy at first until my doctor’s office got ahold of them and got it approved. I will do my diligence on my end to see if I can get my insurance company to approve going there but I’m not holding my breath.

Also, in the conversation with the PA, she said to me, “The cure for your cancer is small”. I was shocked by this and said to her, “I’ll never be cured”? She said no and I thought this meant I was going to die soon. Even my son, who is in the medical field, thought that’s what she meant. When I talked to the other PA I usually talk to, she said that’s not what that meant and they normally never say that to a patient. She said that they believe I will go into remission but that my cancer is the type that will keep coming back and I will have to keep fighting it. This I can handle as I know that God can and does heal so I’m not going to be down about this. When I thought she was telling me I was dying, I was shocked and sad for several days It also was very upsetting to my children to hear this. So, it’s not been an easy few weeks for me!

This has put me in such a bad position and I’ve had some really down days. I have no idea who I would go with as I need a gynecologist/oncologist to treat this. My doctor I have now is the best in our state (that’s why the Cancer Center lured him away from where he is now) and to try and find someone as good isn’t going to be easy. I’m having to lay this all on the alter of God and trust that He will work it out but my humanity keeps coming to the surface and I’m worried and distressed.

I am going to try and get my treatments moved to my town. There’s a doctor here that does the therapies and I’ve heard good things about him. It will save me a four hour trip to do my therapy and, since they will only be 30-40 minutes now as opposed to the 7-8 hours that my chemo was, I can only be gone from home for a little while. It will make it so much easier on my children, too, as they are my drivers and they have had to change their work schedules to do this.

Being distressed, like I am, is not good for my health. I really wish that my doctor had made sure all his patients could follow him to his new clinic. I understand him wanting to do this and I don’t blame him for making the move. It’s just so hard on those of us who are right in the middle of treatment. I’m sure there’s a lot of patients whose insurance will not pay to go to Cancer Centers of America.

I’m praying that everything will work out even better than I imagined. I do know that God has always been there and worked things out so I’m trying to focus on that and trust in His goodness and mercy.

I hope this post wasn’t such a mess that it was hard to read. I would so appreciate your prayers for me! I truly treasure knowing I’m being prayed for and I know that God hears our prayers!

Tucked Up Under His Wing

I had my ct scan a week ago and waited a few days before contacting my doctor’s office about it. The imaging place had told me that they would send it to my doctor that day but several days later, my doctor still hadn’t received it. If there’s something that I can tell you about going through medical situations, it’s the fact that you have to be your own advocate. I have to call about everything as things are rarely done as they should be. I’ve had to call my insurance company, my doctors, and other places to stay on top of things. Otherwise, you get lost in the shuffle. No one cares about your own health like you do so never feel embarrassed to call and find out things. I’m not saying to make a pest of yourself because that has the opposite results, but there’s nothing wrong with checking in and making sure you’re getting the information or the referrals you need to get. Anyway, back to my story….

I finally received a call from the nurse practitioner. I’ve not had a lot of dealings with her but was concerned because she said something about the tumor in my upper abdomen. Now, I’ve never been told that I have any cancer in the upper abdomen so this was quite a shock. She also said that they had compared this scan to one in May. I’ve had another scan between so it should have been compared to that one. I didn’t think about this until after we hung up! I have the report for that ct scan that was done in July and as I read it over, there is nothing about cancer in the upper abdomen. In fact, it says that my abdomen and pelvis area are clear. I also compared the numbers myself from the report because I knew it really mattered what the cancer has done since that last ct scan. It has shrunk but not a lot. So although I am happy that it’s smaller, I am wondering if this is normal to have such small shrinkage of the tumors?

My next chemo treatment is next Tuesday on the 21st so I will ask the doctor about all these questions I have. Another question is if they will still stay with the 6 chemo treatments they initially had thought I would need or will I have to do more? I know that this new chemo drug they had to substitute when I had the allergic reaction is not as effective so that might be what is causing the slower and smaller shrinkage. All of these things are questions I never thought I would have to even consider. Cancer throws me into a whole new world that I’d rather not be in.

However, I do know that the Lord is using this situation to grow my faith and, hopefully, to help others in their faith. I also know that there is someone out there that might be going through something similar and I hope that I can encourage them as the Lord does me.

I haven’t been reading my Bible as much as I would like to. I have been so incredibly tired and weak and find it hard to concentrate. I am so glad that I have studied and memorized Scriptures throughout the years as I can recall those things that comfort me. God talks to us through His Word and it has become such a blessing to know so much of the Bible. I find myself praying a lot, not only for myself, but for others. Lying in bed so much has given me the time and inclination to think of others and pray for them. I also find it such a comfort to just talk to God when I’m alone so much. I am alone but I’m not alone because Jesus is always here with me. I’m tucked up under His wing feeling protected and comforted.