Trusting God

I had my pet scan at the end of October. I spent a week not worrying about cancer and praying that I would have a good result. I finally had to call my doctor’s office to find out what the results were. This is frustrating, yet something that I’m finding is normal any more. They don’t realize (or care?) that the patient is sitting at home on pins and needles wondering what the results are. Anyway, I digress. I do still have cancer but the lymph nodes are clear – Praise God! – but the lung tumors, while smaller, are still there. He was going to do more chemo, but I’ve had bad ringing in my ears and that’s a warning sign that the one chemo drug is causing hearing loss. He was concerned about this, as I am, so he said we could do the one chemo drug by itself or do immune therapy. There was little difference in how effective one would be over the other and he suggested the immune therapy would probably be better. So I will be starting this on Friday, November 19th.

In talking with the medical assistant, I found out that my doctor will not longer be with the group he’s with. He’s moving over to Cancer Center of America. My heart fell when I heard this because I knew that my insurance company does not have a contract with them. I did call the Cancer Center to make sure and they are doing a special request with my insurance company to see if they will allow me to go there since I’m right in the middle of treatment. I’m not holding my breath about all this as I know my insurance company is difficult about everything. They even denied my immune therapy at first until my doctor’s office got ahold of them and got it approved. I will do my diligence on my end to see if I can get my insurance company to approve going there but I’m not holding my breath.

Also, in the conversation with the PA, she said to me, “The cure for your cancer is small”. I was shocked by this and said to her, “I’ll never be cured”? She said no and I thought this meant I was going to die soon. Even my son, who is in the medical field, thought that’s what she meant. When I talked to the other PA I usually talk to, she said that’s not what that meant and they normally never say that to a patient. She said that they believe I will go into remission but that my cancer is the type that will keep coming back and I will have to keep fighting it. This I can handle as I know that God can and does heal so I’m not going to be down about this. When I thought she was telling me I was dying, I was shocked and sad for several days It also was very upsetting to my children to hear this. So, it’s not been an easy few weeks for me!

This has put me in such a bad position and I’ve had some really down days. I have no idea who I would go with as I need a gynecologist/oncologist to treat this. My doctor I have now is the best in our state (that’s why the Cancer Center lured him away from where he is now) and to try and find someone as good isn’t going to be easy. I’m having to lay this all on the alter of God and trust that He will work it out but my humanity keeps coming to the surface and I’m worried and distressed.

I am going to try and get my treatments moved to my town. There’s a doctor here that does the therapies and I’ve heard good things about him. It will save me a four hour trip to do my therapy and, since they will only be 30-40 minutes now as opposed to the 7-8 hours that my chemo was, I can only be gone from home for a little while. It will make it so much easier on my children, too, as they are my drivers and they have had to change their work schedules to do this.

Being distressed, like I am, is not good for my health. I really wish that my doctor had made sure all his patients could follow him to his new clinic. I understand him wanting to do this and I don’t blame him for making the move. It’s just so hard on those of us who are right in the middle of treatment. I’m sure there’s a lot of patients whose insurance will not pay to go to Cancer Centers of America.

I’m praying that everything will work out even better than I imagined. I do know that God has always been there and worked things out so I’m trying to focus on that and trust in His goodness and mercy.

I hope this post wasn’t such a mess that it was hard to read. I would so appreciate your prayers for me! I truly treasure knowing I’m being prayed for and I know that God hears our prayers!